Unanswered Prayers

A higher power is known to basically all religious forms of humanity, and because of this we go through life filling our heads with the fickle realization that maybe, after this is all over, it gets better. Whether we walk down gold streets or we sit and talk with our deceased love ones. I guess in once sence Heaven is whatever paradise you believe it to be...
I think the thing with God, or the lord, is that he wants to be with you, constantly, and he equally wants you to be with him as well, I guess what my big issue is that how do you believe in said higher power, or better yet how do you know what it is? And if it is a legit thing, how could you possibly know what it wants you to do? and what if you're not listening close enough to the spirited world that you lose your ticket, your one and only way to the individual paradise?
These questions have brought me to think about death, and life. To wonder if because i havnt listened, or prayed, or went to church, that there is no after life for me, about a week and a half ago i was sitting lisetning to a girl talk about Jesus Christ, she is talking about beliefs. Beliefs to work for him, and in my own opinion God, the holy father, should technically not want to be the boss of any of his "children" ( and what kind of father lets his children fornicate ahah jk jk) I think that he should not want to have "workers" to spread his name.
Although we are his sheep in the pasture, it says is the book of phillip... to beware of the dogs, and the things that go bump in the night. We should protect our virtues, to keep them away from these metaphorical dogs ( being sins). This sort of thing makes you that you should sit back and wonder to yourself if you are doing everything correctly. And what I think that to be human you need to make mistakes. you needn't always protect your virtues.
Personally, It is hard to think that god is not at any part human, or taking human form, because he can get into your head, know everyting, and hear your prayers. sometimes he just chooses not to answer. And why is God always a guy? maybe he is both. OR a whole new breed. neither male nor female! But most importantly, no human could forgive that much anger, hatred, and disrespect. It would either simply not care what anyone did, or it would build up so much angst that me would eventually blow up.
That is mostly my thoughts about this whole god thing. till next time.
Kait <3