In all reality, I don't really love college. I mean I like my classes, and my course load, I like the people that I hang out with, and I like the fact that when I'm done I can help other people, and maybe, just maybe, make a difference. Right now, as i sit in my big brown chair, all I can see are the bad things. These things that make me sad, these are things that i HATE about myself. I hate that I'm so pathetic right now, so sad that no one is near when i need them. I hate that I'm crying right now over someone who cleary doesnt care about my feelings. I hate that the boy I like, doesn't like me, and of he does, doesn't want to do anything about it. I hate that no matter how hard I try I can't hate him for doing it. I completley understand, I'm incompetent at being a best friend Right now, I hate that terrible little four letter word rules my life, and my thoughts... "what can you find to hate yourself today Kait" seems to be the usual consensus that my body makes as soon as I'm alone, without anyone here to make me stop.
I feel lost most of the time, like I don't really know where I am , or what I'm doing. I hate it, I hate this feeling of doubting myself. Usually I try to be confident, confident in myself, the choices I make, and the friends that I have; but now all meaning of those things are gone. and whats left seems to be eating me up, every night that i spend alone. Every night i lie in bed wondering about these things, wondering if one day soon I'll start to feel happy again. Happy like when I'm at home. I hope so.
For now, Im gunna leave, if anyone actually reads this, sorry, but thanks for reading, comment if you want.
Kaitlyn H Wade
